Understanding Your Window of Tolerance: A Key to Emotional Wellness
As we navigate our daily lives, we often encounter a range of experiences that trigger various emotions, from happiness and excitement to stress and anxiety. But did you know that our ability to effectively handle these emotions hinges on a concept called the "Window of Tolerance"? Coined by Dr. Dan Siegel, a renowned psychiatrist and neurobiologist, this concept is a foundational element in understanding emotional regulation and mental well-being.
What Is The Window Of Tolerance?
The Window of Tolerance is a metaphorical 'window' or 'zone' within which we can process our experiences in a balanced and effective way. When we're within this window, we're typically able to understand and manage our feelings, make well-considered decisions, and function effectively without feeling overwhelmed.
Going Beyond Our Window
However, this 'window' is not set in stone. It can expand or contract based on various factors such as stress, past trauma, mental health conditions, or physical health issues. When we step outside our Window of Tolerance, we tend to move towards one of two extremes: hyperarousal or hypoarousal.
Hyperarousal, often linked with the 'fight or flight' response, is characterized by feelings of anxiety, panic, and restlessness. On the other hand, hypoarousal, commonly associated with a 'freeze' or 'collapse' response, can manifest as feelings of disconnection, numbness, or lethargy.
Expanding Your Window of Tolerance
Recognizing when we have stepped out of our Window of Tolerance is the first step towards better emotional regulation. If we notice signs of hyperarousal or hypoarousal, we can employ strategies that can help us return to our optimal zone of functioning. For example, strategies to calm and ground oneself can be helpful in managing hyperarousal. This can include engaging in deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation (PMR), mindfulness meditation, and physical activity such as yoga, walking or jogging, etc. On the other hand, strategies that stimulate and re-engage can be helpful for managing hypoarousal including grounding techniques, movement, social engagement, and sensory stimulation. It's important to note that different strategies work for different people, and what might help to manage hyperarousal or hypoarousal can depend on the individual's unique experiences and responses. Furthermore, some of these techniques should be learned and practiced under the guidance of a trained mental health professional, especially when dealing with trauma or severe stress.
Internal Family Systems (IFS) and Window of Tolerance
Although the concept of Window of Tolerance is not directly mentioned within the framework of IFS the model can be a useful approach in expanding our window of tolerance. Being able to access more Self-energy can allow us to experience the eight ‘C’ qualities including curiosity, compassion, calmness, confidence, courage, clarity, creativity, and connectedness. Sometimes, certain parts can trigger extreme reactions as a result of carrying burdens from past traumas or difficult experiences. IFS can help to recognize, understand, and work with or heal parts that pull us out of our Window of Tolerance.
Remember, everyone's Window of Tolerance is different. It's not about comparing yourself to others, but about understanding your own emotional landscape and building resilience. It is also important to state that everyone will have moments where they find themselves outside of their Window of Tolerance. Rather than working towards never being outside of our Window of Tolerance I believe that it is more helpful and realistic to work on expanding our Window of Tolerance as well as our ability to return when we are activated.
In conclusion, the Window of Tolerance is a powerful concept that offers insights into our emotional responses and provides a roadmap for improving emotional regulation. Whether you're facing stress at work, dealing with past trauma, or simply looking to better understand your emotions, I’m here to support you. Contact me today to learn how I can support your journey towards emotional wellness.
Vulnerability
It’s difficult to admit this but vulnerability has been something that I’ve struggled with for most of my life. Growing up as a Korean-American male there wasn’t much space for me to express my emotions. It wasn’t until later in my adult years that I learned of the importance of vulnerability for relationships as well as my own emotional wellbeing. Despite recognizing the benefits there were still parts of me that felt ambivalent when the opportunities to practice expressing my emotions or needs emerged. It felt much easier to shut down and dismiss what I was feeling than deal with the potential repercussions of exposing myself. Over time, I experienced moments where vulnerability strengthened my relationship with others as well as myself and it became easier. It has been a life long practice ever since.
Even now as a licensed therapist there are times now where it can be challenging for me to show vulnerability when I’m feeling emotionally reactive or shame. This TED Talk with Brene Brown has been a great reminder for myself of the power of vulnerability and is something that I rewatch periodically.
That being said, there is a caveat with vulnerability- not everyone will be deserving of your vulnerability and some will even try to use it against you. It is important to discern between the safe and unsafe people in your life. We don’t have to continually try to open ourselves up to people who hurt us for the sake of practicing vulnerability.
If you’ve been hurt in the past from opening up, being vulnerable can feel scary or challenging. Know that it is okay to take it slow and allow yourself to build trust over time.
If you decide to watch this video I invite you to check in with what comes up for you while watching. Do you notice any particular thoughts or emotions? Perhaps there are some bodily sensations that are felt in your stomach or chest. Take time to notice the different parts of you that show up and inquire with curiosity.